Better Homes Than Mine

Something missing?

Every week, millions of people watch home decoration/improvements shows on TV, buy magazines on the subject and salivate at the thought of a visit to their nearest Bunnings mega-hardware store.

Not me.

I don’t think I’m cut out for this domestic “Better Homes & Gardens” bullshit.

Yesterday I spent a considerable amount of time at “Spotlight” – a fabric store – looking at curtains, curtain accessories, quilt covers and sheet sets. Over the last few months I’ve trekked out to Bunnings no less than three times – prior visits to that: zero.

I’ve had long conversations about paint colours and carpet colours and energy rankings on washing machines and even what kind of vacuum cleaner is best.

I wish there was a “Magic Flat Fairy” who cleaned, painted, furnished and moved you into a new place. All at the click of your fingers. Or “Flat in a Cup” where you just add water and “ta-da”, it all pops out out of a cup – the cleaning, the painting, the assembling, the moving and everything else.

It is hard for me to imagine that people actually get a kick out of spending their spare time doing this stuff. Now I love shopping for new stuff as much as the next queen but NOT for household furnishings! That’s for Mr & Mrs Western Suburbs or even Mr & Mr Darlinghurst….not for a white trash out and loud fag from Sydney’s inner west. No, no, no!

Yoda spent a couple of hours on various websites last night searching for quilt covers. Much time was spent ooh-ing and aah-ing over the IKEA website of course. IKEA, naturally, does not have standard Australian sizes in quilts. I am gently trying to persuade Yoda that perhaps IKEA might not be the best choice for his shopping dollar in this particular case. But I am fighting a losing battle.

My new quilt cover and sheets will come from K-Mart or Big-W: whichever one is having a sale and selling them dirt cheap. I can salivate for hours over a new netbook, mobile phone or digital camera….but bed covers get about 5 minutes thought before my eyes glaze over and I start to foam at the mouth.

Today’s happy homemaker project was the assembly of beds. New smaller beds because the bedrooms are slightly smaller and there is sooooooo much shit going in them. The luxury of a QUEEN sized bed is a thing of the past 😉  Downsizing to double is all about gaining that extra 6″ here and there!

Nothing comes assembled of course. So Yoda got stuck into the assembly of the beds today…I showed up late and offered some feeble assistance. Luckily it was all very logical. Thank you Fantastic Furniture for making the instructions understandable, logical and in English. And for not requiring two adjustable spanners and 3 people to assemble a bed – like it bloody well did with the last bed I bought from you 5 years ago! This time it was all done with Allan keys and bits that snapped or screwed together pretty much effortlessly.

Still, it was all too much effort for me…to think there are curtains to organise, a washing machine and other sundry items to be researched & purchased and 4 or 5 separate moving days to come before I’m settled into this new place…..

I’m no happy home-maker…good luck to the rest of the world who get off on this stuff…they can have better homes than mine. With pleasure!

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