F*cking F*cebook!

I want this T-Shirt!!!

Bloody Facebook! FaceAche I call it. Because it is a pain. A pain in the arse.

You cannot have a sensible conversation with anyone thesedays without the bloody ‘f’ word coming into it. Lesbian weddings, going away drinks, a normal day at work….it’s always bloody Facebook, Facebook, Facebook. I say f*ck off Facebook!

I can’t even have a conversation with my best friend without that life-sucking zombie website being mentioned. I now get to hear all about the comings and goings of people I hadn’t even thought about for years. Some of these people I had secretly hoped might have died or at least been kidnapped by aliens. Now I’m getting regular reports about them. Arghhhh!

I did join the evil F-empire once. After about a week and the thirty-seventh “virtual beer”, “virtual pet” and “virtual gift” I received, I wanted to rip my friends apart limb from limb. I’d started to despise people I genuinely cared about in real life. After the twentieth time I’d been asked to do a quiz and then send it on to “20 of your friends,” I thought “why are you people torturing me?!?!”

After my painful experiment with F*book, I decided I needed to keep in touch with people and electronically communicate in a way that didn’t cause me to want to buy a gun. I started this blog and let people know about it – they can drop in and see what’s going through my head if they want to…or not. Totally their choice.

An email mailing list…something I have about twelve years experience in – was the next logical solution. I started a small, informal emailing list and invited about twenty people from around the world that I really wanted to stay in touch with to join it. It works really well for me. Sometimes there are posts to the list from me, Yoda and others….sometimes not. It’s a solution that’s there if you need it but doesn’t get on your tits if you don’t.

I also find the way people act on an internet mailing list is far more dignified than on F*book. With my blog and the email list, no-one has sent me a “virtual pet” or a virtual-anything. I don’t have my time wasted with pointless quizzes and I don’t get bombarded with updates from people that I actively despise. People I do like send emails in from time to time – either via the list or directly to me and, occasionally, people will comment on this blog. That’s all quite nice and dignified and comfortable.

With F*Book I feel like using that old bigoted hetero phrase about Gays..”I respect your lifestyle choice but I don’t want it shoved down my throat 24/7.” I know that a lot of people get their kicks from being on that website. I also know it can be a good tool for families to keep in touch when they are separated by distance. I’m cool with all of that. I just don’t want to be subjected to it!

I think there is a need for a strong and effective social networking site or tool. I just don’t think F*cking F*book is it. Yoda thinks F*Book might develop into that over time – but I can’t see how as it is all about profit – it has to be. The cost of running the organisation, maintaining those ginormous server farms around the world etc. etc. – someone has got to pay for that. And as F*Book gets bigger, the bills will get bigger and the demands from people who invested in it. They’ll want their pound of flesh. I’m sure some of them have already looked at the multi-billion dollar profits of Google and wondered why F*Book isn’t generating the same.

I think some people join F*Book because they think they’re out of the loop if they don’t. People hate any kind of social/group isolation/exclusion. If you’re not “in” then by definition you must be “out” – and people don’t like to be out. If F*Book wasn’t so f*cking annoying, I’d be in…but it IS annoying. And seriously, who wants to spend precious time reading about people you can’t stand. I’ve had Yoda look into this and he confirms there’s absolutely no way to avoid it.

I won’t even get into the whole “friend request” thing. The auto-suggestion thing is scary. No thanks, I don’t want to be “friends” with someone I’ve spent the last five years avoiding! And um no but I don’t want to be friends with the evil bitch representative of the four gazillionaire c*nts who tried to sue me a few years ago!

A taser set to zap people if they mention the “f” word in presence….that’s probably going a bit too far. I have tried to politely request people not to talk about the “f” word in my presence…but they just giggle and keep on talking about it anyway.

Or maybe I should just invent my own social networking website called “Not Annoying Nor Time-Wasting Book”?



  1. Facebook is a way to stay intouch with friends, but at the same time annoying and pain in the arse becuase it causes nothing but trouble. i agree with the above partly but theres no need to moan like that:/

  2. […] My friend, The Best Judge has very strong feelings about a range of things. […]

  3. well, this post explains a lot! see ya!

  4. I disagree. Internet mailing lists were great but technology moves on. Facebook does not have to be that controlling. the user controls. get over it, get an account.

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